“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
As soon as the pregnancy test lined turned positive, Jesus said to me:
” Luca. “
Soon after telling my husband that we were going to have a Rainbow baby I looked up the meaning of the name.
” Bearer of bright light.”
Jesus said to me:
” He will be your light after all your darkness. He will restore hope and bring healing to your heart. This child’s birth will be just as much your own new birth. Trust me to reign over this child.”
His pregnancy was different from all my others. Full of peace of mind, yet the sickness took over soon after second trimester on until he was born. Many false alarm labors, braxton hicks and mental battles daily for my mind. My deep passion to birth him at home only grew as he did, and I found myself doubting God’s goodness to me in the end days.
My patience to make it until my body went into labor on its own became so taxing on my emotions. Many nights in my own bath tub crying out to God to help me, trying to wave a white flag in his face.
” Jesus don’t you see me? “
Finally on March 14th at 8 pm , ( ten days past my EDD ) my labor began.
NOTE: Three times my Midwife tried a catheter dilator to start my labor. Each time was a fail. I tried Castor oil twice, each time was a fail. In my spirit I knew my body was supposed to do this on it’s own, and I truly needed to shut up my complaining and just wait. So , I did.
I was in denial that I was actually doing this on my own. Trying to ignore the contractions, I watched show and cozied up in bed. Within a few hours I couldn’t ignore them as just a false alarm any longer. I woke my husband up and called my Midwife.
” I think I’m in labor. They aren’t stopping at two minutes apart. “
I could hear her smile over the phone as she assured me she was on her way.
I decided to start bouncing and rolling my hips on the birth ball, started my very relaxing technique of watching FRIENDS for comic relief. Because FRIENDS is the best show on earth.
As labor progressed I started playing worship music and praying in the spirit as much as I could. Inviting the Holy Spirit to “reign” over our sons birth, keep us safe and sustain my strength.
I tried many different positions during labor to get comfortable, as my husband rubbed my back during each and every contraction. He was my lifeline, my support system. I couldn’t have done it without him by my side.
Around 5 am, my Midwife suggested a bath to relax my muscles a bit, as I was to tense from the pain. Matt turned off the bathroom light, and lit a candle for me. My friend helped me into the bath and brought me some fruit to nibble on. My strength was low.
Matt came and sat with me and prayed aloud for strength and for Luca to come sooner than later. The bath was instant [pain relief and I remember telling Matt I was never coming out. Go ahead and set up camp here, ain’t movin!
In the bath, my legs began shaking and I knew I was in transition. Matt had gone to tell the kids goodbye before they left for school, so I was alone. Being alone during transition was the most surreal feeling for my soul. My body was doing something voluntarily for me, just as I had prayed it would. I could feel Angelic activity around me, and could sense my Angel babies praying over me and for their brother.
The pain was very intense, but a pain that I welcomed. It wasn’t something I wanted to go away until he was in my arms. I kept saying : thank you Lord. Bring him to me.
After my bath my Midwife wanted to check me, as she had not done yet. I loved this about her, so loving and hands off. So much respect for what my body was doing already on it’s own. Not wanting to make this a medical intervention, but knowing that this is something that will change my heart forever. A desire that would never dwindle. Never waiver until I did this on my own.
As I walked up the stairs each of the children kissed me as if they were blessing what was about to happen. They were blessing My blessing that awaited up those steps.
I laid on the bed , and she began to check my cervix. I prepared myself for her to say I was only a 4 or so, but instead to my surprise and relief:
” I feel the bulging water bag, and babe YOU’RE A NINE! You’re going to have a baby soon!”
That sentence is one that will be forever engrained in my memory as a sweet victory of God’s goodness to me in a time of exhaustion, and anticipation of meeting my promised son. I couldn’t help but weep with JOY! I had done this on my own, and I knew it was almost over.
I tried pushing in several different positions for two hours. Nothing seemed to be moving him down as much as I wanted, and the pain was unbearable. I looked at Matt once and said:
” I cannot do this.”
” Yes babe you can. You’re doing it right now. You’re so strong. You can!”
So many tears and warrior cries later , I got up off the birthing stool and said:
” I have to pee.”
Looking back I can laugh at that statement for obvious reasons. No woman at 10 centimeters can successfully walk to a bathroom and relieve herself. I was clearly exhausted, and it was my way of checking out of the situation.
As soon as I stood up his head crowned, ( thank you God and gravity ) !
Cheers from my husband and family shouted into my ears as I got a wave of confidence and knew I could do this.
Pushing through the contractions as they came, he slowly descended. Soon after his head crowned, my midwife told me to get on all fours and push as hard as I could. I was unaware that his cord was prolapsed, and his shoulders were seemingly stuck.
With quick thinking and her massive amount of birth knowledge, my Midwife was about to get his shoulders into position for birth, and she had him out within a few seconds. There was no ” sliding ” this child out, she had to literally PULL him out.
Had I been in a hospital setting they would most likely have cut me to get him out. A big no thank you.
These two women right here. Their love and devotion to me and my child was unwavering. Their knowledge and quick thinking will forever bless me. They showed me that my body was capable of more. They showed me that I was WORTH more. They showed me what birth could be. What I wanted it to be. How God intended it , for me.
His birth did things in my spirit , healed places in my broken Mother’s heart, and opened new doors of wisdom and strength I didn’t know I possessed.
Born 9:56 am into my loving arms.
As soon as he was born, I knew he was ok, breathing and fine, but a bit lethargic. His coloring wasn’t pink as much as it was a bit gray and dull. I began speaking to him, patting his little butt , but nothing was giving us that good solid cry we wanted to hear.
My Midwife quickly gave him some oxygen, and all was well!
Each time she tried checking his heart rate he grabbed her stethoscope as if he was trying to say:
“Woman! I’m telling you I’m fine, I just didn’t want to come out.”
Sweet relief from the pain washed over me as I processed the fact that my dreams of a home birth had come to life. I had done it. Holding my Rainbow baby in my arms was the deepest feeling of gratitude for His mercies and grace. He loved me THAT much that he allowed us not only to have another child, but in the exact way I desired.
I climbed into my own bed, snuggled my newborn and nursed him. It was heaven on earth. the JOY and the presence of the Lord was so strong in our room that even our four year old daughter watched the whole process without a peep. She was so calm and gentle, so loving and devoted to her brother she knew was coming into the world.
The sweetest relief! My boy is here!
Several times my sisters would assure her that I was only loud because I was trying to bring her brother out to meet her, and she assured them she was fine. It was as if she grew years in her maturity level just watching new life come into being.
Recovery has been incredible this time. Surrounded by family and friends who are caring for us, and allowing us privacy to bond at the same time.
It’s a beautiful thing when you trust Jesus with your heart, I promise you he won’t crush your dreams. He loves your dreams, he’s the one that put them there.
Jesus helped me birth a 9 pound baby, that was a VBAC. In my bedroom. The way I wanted. He cared that much for me.
He cares that much for you.
9 pound Rainbow baby boy.
( ALL PHOTOGRAPHY BY HANNAH HAGGERTY – HD PHOTO & DESIGN )