Though my little guy isn’t born yet, I wanted to share what I believe is the beginning of his birth story, one that will forever change the way that I connect with all my children.
Last Friday I began having a series of contractions that lasted a better part of the afternoon and into the night. I was only a few days shy of 35 weeks, so I knew it wasn’t time to have him yet. During this time I was at peace, and breathing through contractions, though I became super fearful of not getting the birth my heart desired.
I knew he would be fine, even born at 35 weeks, but this would mean that yet again my birth plans would be shattered. Even after the contractions slowed, I allowed my mind to focus on my last birth that was extremely traumatic for me. In every aspect it took me years to recover, especially mentally.
Sometime after the contractions slowed he must have turned breech, where as before he was perfectly head down. It didn’t occur to me that he could’ve turned out of fear and trauma from trying to come. Nor did it occur to me that my body could’ve been responding out of muscle memory to my last birth, a breech baby that ended in cesarean at 42 weeks.
Our bodies response to trauma can often be out of our control, but for me after much counsel and prayer, I knew I had to take matters into my own hands to turn my son. He had turned breech out of my own fear of the past.
To some, this may sound bizarre. But I can assure you that our babies can sense fear and tension in the womb. It’s our job to create a space for them full of peace. They are created in love, so let’s allow them to be born in love.
While saying prayers, and tucking my other three into bed, they all offered to lay hands on their brother and pray for him to turn head down.
Each prayer they prayed I found myself yearning to connect with him deeper, and to understand why he had turned breech. Their prayers brought the presence of the Lord, and by the time the last child prayed I was a wreck.
I could feel him already trying to move, and I knew it was time.
After getting the kids tucked into bed I locked myself in my room and retreated. I turned on worship music and closed my eyes to connect with my unborn son. At first, talking to him aloud seemed insane, but the more I spoke to him in soft tones, the more connected to him I began to feel.
It became a supernatural experience that I will never forget.
Speaking to him I started doing certain positions in which I was encouraging him to turn his head back down.
In a calm , quiet voice I told him things like:
“Momma is not afraid of your birth. You are your own person. I know you turned because I was afraid. I’m not anymore love.”
” You can turn your head back down now buddy. When you want to come, I’m ready.”
This went on for about an hour, calling him out and into the destiny I know the Lord has for his life. For his birth. He is my rainbow baby, bringing redemption and restoring lost hope in life and birth.
Time went on and I continued speaking to him and elevating my pelvis, until I could feel contractions start to move his head downward.
I got on my hands and knees and began swaying back and forth. I had no logical explanation for this, I just let my body take over.
I eventually stood up and began moving my hips in a circular motion as I felt his head getting back into alignment, all the while telling him what a good boy he was for listening to Momma.
I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, as I knew we had done this together. We had erased all fear and moved together in love.
I continued to focus on his life and my body aligning him perfectly, so much so that I am not certain how long I was in a trance like state.
This was necessary for us to bond , against all odds, he was my son in whom I am well pleased. Breech or not, I was focusing on him turning and coming forth the right way.
I retrained my mind to not think of my previous birth, but to ONLY focus on his. He is a different creation from his sister. God has different plans for his life.
I feel that with Adah’s birth I wasn’t ready to experience freedom in birth, but after going through all that I did after she was born, my body craved natural birth. I needed to know that I had control over my mind, which I know controls my body.
The bond that God creates between Mothers and babies in the womb ( and outside ) is so strong, that even the strongest fear cannot separate it. When we refuse to give into fear, we can be victorious and walk into our destinies, and for me in this season, I am walking right into my son’s birth. Where my body will take over as my mind leads it.
Just to be sure, I had my Midwife check to see his positioning today. I laid on her table, lifted my shirt and said:
” I’m pretty sure I’ve turned him. He just needed a little talk. We both did.”
She listened and felt around, and a big smile came across her gorgeous face.
” Rachel, your baby is perfectly in line.”
I then explained exactly what needed to happen for him to turn, and she agreed.
The way we think about our bodies is a gateway to our health.
The way we think about our births determines the level of peace we will have, whatever the outcome.
38 weeks with Adah Harbor. My breech baby. But she’s so much more. She’s kind, intelligent, loving and sensitive. My sweet sweet girl. She is more than her birth, and so am I.