Dads can’t carry babies.

Let me get one thing straight, my kids have a killer awesome Daddy. He is super involved in everything they do, enjoys spending time with them, and can rock cleaning the house and taking care of their every need when I am out of commission, or at Target alone.

But there is something about their minds that FORGETS that their Father has two working thumbs, and can in fact help them tie their shoes.

This happens constantly. Just this morning, we were all getting ready for church, and both of us were standing side by side.

Our three year old starts pulling on my dress.

” Momma, can you help me find my other shoe?”

” I have to finish getting ready , but Daddy can.”

” Where is he?!”

I stand, as a woman asking for my toddler to see her Father who is  nearly a foot from her vision.

” No, I don’t want Daddy to help me, I want YOU TO!”

This ends up in tears from all parties as I go back upstairs to apply deodorant.

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I swear it’s like this in every aspect of their tiny lives.  To them, I am the only capable parent that can help them or make an important decision regarding their well being.

This is flattering , of course, the first few times.

I believe this started when I began lactating, and was their only food supply for over the first year of their lives. This confused their minds into thinking Dad can never pour them cereal in the mornings, that they must wake Momma to do so.

I produced the milk, I also pour the milk. It is the cycle of life. My lot in this world.

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One day we may be invaded by Zombies, and I may be at Target. The children may be home with their Father, and they may call me to come home and save them, but I cannot. I am in the Clearance section of the Maternity items and I am on a roll. I will have to convince them that their Dad is capable of saving their lives, even if they believe he cannot tie their shoes before school.

I was thinking of creating this sort of workshop for the children, including “trust” exercises , where they would have to fall backwards into their Father. Trust him to catch them, and then do things I normally do for them because they pitch such a fit for ONLY me to do these things.

Tie their shoes.

Help them live.

Feed them.

Help them walk.

Help them breathe.

Help them sleep.

Do your children only want you these days? I have the perfect thing to help you along in your journey, and that is to not get pregnant. Then someone else will need you. Carrying a baby is yet again something that your children will ask YOU to do.

Back in the olden days , women had sister wives to help them with these duties, now all we have is Facebook to complain on, and never get anything accomplished.

It’s a damn shame that Dad’s cannot carry babies. I have enough to do with the above statements.

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