The other day I spoke to a local MOPS group on Patience. Afterwards, I went to a couple of different tables to discuss what they were struggling with in this area.
Surprisingly enough, I found that many women ( including myself ) felt as if they used up all of their patience during the day with their children, and by the time their husbands got home all hell broke loose. Instead of greeting their hard working husbands with a kiss, or even a smile they shoved a baby in his hands, gave him the cold shoulder while nursing a baby, or vomited the days events on him.
I get it, I do and have done all three of these things. By the end of the day ( which happens to be when the husband gets home from work ) we are TOUCHED OUT, have stretched our patience limits, and the thought of dropping everything to greet your hubs at the door with a smile is out of the question.
This is something I’ve struggled with for years, never working outside the home and finding the gumption to drop everything and just give my husband a simple hug or kiss. Even when it’s inconvenient . Even when I’m exhausted at all ends of the Momma spectrum.
This isn’t something my husband expects me to do, he knows good and well that I am SO DONE by 5pm each day, which happens to be happy hour. He SO KNOWS that we are in a very hard and trying season with our youngest three-nager that these nights lately end earlier than when I was in Elementary school. 8 PM, I’m in bed with a glass of red wine sucking my Paci again. Asking for my Mommy to come tuck me in. I regress. Potty training becomes questionable. What am I even doing with my life in bed at 8 pm?
I’m sitting. That’s what the hell I’m doing.
This is what I am getting at here:
When I greet my husband as he comes in the door, I realize a few things.
- He needed a good kiss, so did I. I missed him. In all the chaos I missed my best friend.
- I like kissing him.
- It brings me back down to earth. This is where this whole family started.
- Our children benefit from this love connection. The girls giggle and our son sticks out his tongue in disgusts. ( really he thinks it’s sweet.)
- My husband has worked hard all day for me to stay home with our babies. While yes, I have worked equally hard … why can’t I greet him warmly?
- Our home is his safe haven from work, why not give him a big kiss when he gets home, even when my day has been hard.
- Kissing is just fun.
Does this happen each night? Nope. Sometimes I’m in the middle of bath time, or someone has peed on the floor. But regardless, I’ve tried to make it a point to love on him when he arrives home.
My sucky day and whiny kids aren’t his fault.
It’s not my right to punish him for my days events
Just as he doesn’t bring work stress home, when he walks in the door I try my best to put my moody attitude aside. My best friend is home, we are a team in this parenting thing. Don’t shrug him off. Allow him in.
Men cannot fully understand all that we do for our families, for our children, and rarely for ourselves. This is why they are men, not women. A Father can be super hands on, and still not have any idea the great measures we go to nourish our family, love on them and provide for them.
This doesn’t have to be a negative thing. We have two different roles here. All mixed into one yes, but two very vast roles.
It’s not my job as a wife to blame my bad day on my husband, or cast all of my cares on him as soon as he walks in the door. There is a time and place. Believe me, many nights after we get the children in bed I let it all out. He hears it all, my hard day, who hurt my feelings, ect.
Though I am always honest with him, I am more careful about when to share it and how. No one wants to walk in the door from a long days work only to hear negativity and strife. Things you were not here to fix.
I am in NO WAY a Susy Homemaker that when my man gets home I greet him with a kiss and homemade muffins.
It’s more like I have a toddler on my hip, green beans burning on the stove top and a child crying for a snack right before dinner.
But I smile at my husband because I love him, I am showing him that. I kiss him because I love him, I am showing him that.
Parenthood is never easy, or perfect, or even wonderful at times. But it’s how we choose to live our lives day to day that makes up our story.
For me, that simple kiss is laying my life down. It’s selfless.
It’s the very small things in your marriage that become big things. They become normal, and mundane in seasons. But constant is the love if we so choose.
Let the kissing be one of them.