Hey, this event will have wine!

As I’ve matured into my older years , ( I’m almost thirty and in need of a breast reduction. By breast reduction I mean that I am speaking things into being. It’s in the bible you guys. )

I’ve noticed a lot of parties and events that lure people in saying that wine will be provided. I thought I would make a list of activities that without wine really suck, but with it… it can be a party.

  • Hey everyone! My yearly pap-smear is next Wednesday, and I would love it if you all came! I’ll have wine!
  • It’s that time again to clean my baseboards before the dust becomes part of my decor! I’ll have wine!
  • My refrigerator was accidentally unplugged and now the fresh food is all molded. I would love help cleaning it out! I’ll have wine!
  • My kids scream and cry when it’s time to cut their toenails. If you come help me hold them down I’ll provide wine!
  • There is a tiny mouse hiding somewhere in our house. He has made his appearance in the kitchen, and now the living room. If you come help me catch him I’ll share my Merlot!
  • Field trips to the water treatment plant can be a real drag, BUT I’ll have chilled Chardonnay and cheese. Please do come!
  • I’ve decided that tonight I will tell my seven year old where babies come from. I am a bit nervous, and would love some moral support. Can you bring me some wine? Then after we can drink more wine.
  • I have a friend that needs help with his window washing business. We would be like 30 stories high helping him, but I’ll bring wine. Can you come?

It’s basically easy Mom bait to get people to come to your events, help wipe your kids butts, and buy from your fundraiser.

Wine is a powerful tool. It’s also delicious.

z-funny-wine-cork-quotes

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