A child’s Christmas Hangover.

We all know that Christmas buzz kids get. The more presents they open the more intoxicated with happiness they become. Just one more present mom. Hit me one more time. The unwrapping and gift giving overstimulates their overly tired minds until they become a big ball of sticky candy cane residue and on the way home from the second party of the day the fall asleep ever so gracefully in their car seats, drool still ridden with high fructose corn syrup and the 5th cookie they took on the way out the door, only because Mom and Dad were distracted carrying 1,3984 Lalaloopsy dolls, and endless amounts of giftcards. 


Christmas morning. 8 AM the fun began. This fun did not stop until 11 pm that night.

Christmas morning. 8 AM the fun began. This fun did not stop until 11 pm that night.

The morning after Christmas is for a child similar to the morning after a rather rebellious, or careless 21 year old. At the time it seemed great to take 15 shots of tequila, just like it seemed like a pleasant idea to sneak your Christmas stocking to bed and finish off those Kit Kat bars. The chocolate doesn’t seem appealing anymore as the light hits your window. 

” Mom turn off the light. “

” Son, your light isn’t on. That’s the window. Just the sunlight.”

” Then make it stop.”

You pray the night before your children won’t need a root canal , as you could only brush their teeth so much. You carried them up the steps to their bedrooms, dressed them for bed and brushed their teeth while they were in fact unconscious…. stoned if you will on plastic toy fumes and drunk on the unGodly amount of eggnog that they surprisingly consumed.

Somehow, through intercession and hot yoga, we got our children AND the 9 week old puppy to sit still for a Christmas picture.

Somehow, through intercession and hot yoga, we got our children AND the 9 week old puppy to sit still for a Christmas picture.

It is most unfortunate when you have to head to another Christmas gathering the morning after. Although this is enjoyable for the adults, I was sure my children would need ice packs on their heads and around the clock Tylenol. Dark sunglasses. 

During the family prayer before we feasted one of our 35 children protested that we had JUST prayed that morning, and so there was no need to pray again. The food was already blessed. I threatened to not pay for this childs college if they didn’t close their eyes and bow their head. There is nothing like threatening to really get your children into a genuine spiritual moment. Thankfully this child has already received salvation, it’s just me that needs counseling.


The fact is that a child literally has what is called in medical terms a ” Christmas hangover”

Signs to watch out for in your children, If these occur, only one thing can be done .

THEY MUST GO TO BED IMMEDIATELY TO ENSURE SURVIVAL. AND BLOOD SUGAR REGULATION!

  1. Foaming at the mouth
  2. Disrespect to any adult the day after Christmas, you can blame it on the sugar over consumption. Either way, they are hungover.
  3.   Overly energetic , this includes ceiling fan spinning and pond swimming in December.
  4. Overusing the phrase ” I love you!” , although heart felt in this case it means that this child wants an excess amount of more sugar to satisfy the amount they received yesterday. Stand strong and hand them a celery stick.
  5. Last but not least, if your child begins to recite the Gettysburg address, and they are two…. rethink how many chocolate chip cookies they are allowed to consume.   

The childhood Christmas hangover is a real thing. I am thinking about starting a fund for the parents of these children that behave in such a way. The fund will obviously fund my pedicures, other parents spa dates and tours to vineyards. I am only being serious. As I type I hear the girls chanting ” more fudge ” in their sleep . It’s a terrifying thing, hearing that. I will not be an enabler to their habits. I can only pray that next year our families will serve raw carrots and veggie straws. Although if they do , our children may run away to the nearest 711 and grab any candy they can find. The issue is that they don’t have any money. Oh my gosh .I am raising hoodlums, how could they go against everything we have taught them and rob a convenience store for the sake of sugar?

Perhaps to ensure that they don’t end up in jail, I should serve them candy daily to satisfy their cravings,

I would do this, but I love their teeth, their immune system and I am comfortable with my dosage of anti-anxiety medication. My wine cellar that is actually a spot on my kitchen counter is withering , and so naturally I must be careful. 

Christmas morning, when Adah got her favorite and least expensive gift. Isn't that always how it pans out?

Christmas morning, when Adah got her favorite and least expensive gift. Isn’t that always how it pans out?

after christmas

Notice the calmness of this artsy activity. I was determined while they were detoxing to make them feel comfortable. Give them an artistic outlet to let off some steam. With the paint brushes they could express their give and take need for sugar. While this was happening I was on my knees, drinking coffee by the gallon, pleading with God to heal them of their deep need for more candy.

He answered my prayers, but not until the end of the night. When they fell asleep. 

Merry Christmas from our borderline diabetic children to yours.  Kidding.

Merry Christmas from our borderline diabetic children to yours. Kidding.

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