Patience is a gift of the spirit that I am learning to let flow through my veins and out of my mouth. Having a six year old boy is the most rewarding and nail biting experience of my life. He is testing his mouth to see just how far he can go without seeing his Momma beat her head against a wall. Any wall. Someone give me a wall. Someone give me old clothes to put on, because I am about to rip them to pieces and roll around in the dirt, grieving my baby boy who always obeyed me, and ate endless amounts of nutritional foods without gagging. That one that begged to sleep with me at night, and couldn’t get enough kisses to last him through the day.
Now I beg for a kiss in the drop off line each day before school.
” Mom, I kissed you yesterday.”
” Yep, and you’ll kiss me today too.”
Forcing affection is healthy right? Good.
While Asher was in school today I cleaned his room. For a boy , he is actually very neat with his things. I just had the itch to rearrange a few things, and make his room look less ” older ” . I added his baby blanket, a few pacifiers, a bottle warmer as his lamp and a new pack of Target newborn diapers. Then I called my husband that I have and he assured me that I am in fact over dramatic. I broke up with him, and agreed that I get the dog.
After my work was done, I noticed that Asher had done some rearranging himself. He switched around pictures on his wall. Took down some, and added his own art. I started to take them down as I said aloud:
” These make his room look so…. “
I stopped mid sentence and I knew I should leave his things the way he left them. He is expressing himself in a way that only he loves. That’s ok. I was reminded that I did the same thing at his age. I hung up my art work, proud of my stick figures and rainbows. It was a part of the season I was in.
The fact is that we all go through different seasons at different times. This is often why we feel alone, or confused in our own skin.
I have a deep desire to let my children express themselves in a way that is healthy, respectful and loving towards others. But also, loving towards themselves. I want them to love themselves, because God does. When we really love ourselves, it shows. We become creative and inventive and loving towards others.
I left the drawings and the glitter. I left what looks like to me, a mess.
But to my son, a masterpiece.
Let them be kids, you be adults. You had your time, now it’s theirs.