I’m sure the title alarmed you. It alarmed me as I wrote it. The good thing about marriage is that I still haven’t figured it out yet. It’s only been 7 years, and there are new things to learn every day. Having a marriage is like a full time job that is uncompensated, with a whole lot of love.
The moment my husband walks through that door at 6:00 pm all I want to do is fall into his arms. Finally he is HOME and has rescued me from the offspring that HE created. They didn’t get that attitude today from their mother. I’m just an innocent bystander. I just was skinny and blonde, and you wouldn’t let me shower alone, so we mated. And now I have a C section scar.
It’s a slow process for me during this season to find the balance between leaning on my husband for support and depending on him for ALL the things. ALL the things I need. ALL the hard things.
I’m learning , or rather being thrown into a part of my life where I need people’s help. I need support, extra encouragement and I need my husband more than ever to lean on. Dealing with anxiety is a real thing. It’s something I face daily, and have to fight.
Last week I started to get real irritated with my husband. Everything he said was stupid and he was wrong. In ALL the areas. He wasn’t hugging me when I wanted him to and he wasn’t telling me I was pretty every five seconds. He wasn’t telling me that the bun on top of my head was flattering, and he sure wasn’t….wasn’t….
READING MY MIND
As wives when speaking to our husbands a lot of the time need to VOICE what we need when we need it. They are not mind readers, and we simply cannot punish them for not going inside our insane minds. They ( most of the time ) need to be told what we need. In a loving way of course. Don’t scream at them to hug you while your breastfeeding a baby and stirring spaghetti sauce. Things could get dangerous quick.
My attitude towards my husband was totally wrong. I was blaming him for my misfortune in this season, for my struggle and for not being EVERYTHING that I need.
That’s insane. Our husbands simply cannot be ALL of the following at the same time:
- Our counselor
- A listening ear about yeast infections
- Our pastor
- Our best girl friend
- Our confessional booth priest
- Our cook
- Our maid
- Our parenting Guru
- Our wine re-filler
- OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
There are things that we need to lean on our Father in heaven about that we put just TOO much weight upon our men. Your husband is not married to you to fix all your problems. He is married to you because he loves you, and he loves your journey together. It is absolutely our job to communicate to our men how we feel the most loved. Just because they can pee standing up ( still jealous ) doesn’t mean they are mind readers. Face it , often they need guidance in how to love us well. This is ok. So today tell your husband that you love him, and ask the Holy Spirit what areas you are expecting your husband to fulfill that need to be filled elsewhere , or within yourself.
I would like to state that if your husband is not fulfilling your love language, the answer is never to get your ” fill ” some someone else. Be careful who you share your heart with, and be careful how much you let another man in your heart. Heart sharing is for husbands only.
As you walked down that aisle you handed him your heart, it’s not for another man to explore.