The torture which is called medicine.

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See that winning smirk there? See the droplets of holistic cough medicine stained onto her shirt as she victoriously holds her sugar filled lolli pop?

If I got to choose two things that I would pay very patient people to do with my children it would be this:

Brush their teeth. Administer cough syrup.

 Both above things make me a bad , mean Mommy. It’s like desert storm all over again in my toddlers room. I pull out the syringe of medication as she darts for the corner in her room. This particular corner is just small enough for her tiny butt to fit into. If i try to remove her by force to medicate her this could result in a loss of limb. I want her to fit in in preschool and having a missing arm won’t help things along, so I let her stand there for about 30 minutes.

While I promised all the wealth in the world, free flights to Hawaii and unlimited amounts of stock in Starbucks, she refused to move. Her eyes fixed on her prize, TO STILL BE SICK. 

After kissing her feet and then washing her feet with my hair and some anointing oil I decided to bribe her with a pop. I have these for emergency reasons only. They sit in a box above the refrigerator and the following things are the only situations I allow them in:

  1. When we are suddenly attacked by Zombies dressed as Paris Hilton
  2. When the Avett Brothers stop by unannounced.
  3.                                                         When my kids won’t take medication.

Knowing she had to get this cough under control before a small lung caved in, I tried hard to sell the candy. Seems ironic right trying to get my child to take organic medication by bribing her with something that lessens her immune system? I know. I threw all crunch I had out the door and without fail she still said no.

What does one do in this situation in parenting, where you feel powerless and you’ve been on toddler level so long you begin to see life as they see it. No wonder she didn’t want to take the medication. Her Mommy is holding what looks like a shot to end her life, orally.

So I decided to take matters into my own boobs. Judge me if you must, but I again bribed her with milk. If you take this yummy medicine you can nurse Adah, just one sip. Pretty please. She latches on to nurse, I stick the syringe in her mouth along with my boob nectar and BOOM out shoots both liquids onto my bare stomach. I can’t be sure how much she got of each, but I can be sure that I gave up on today and handed her a pop.

As Scarlett O’Hara says: I’ll worry about that tomorrow. Or maybe tonight when she can’t sleep because she is coughing. Thinking of ways to inject it without her noticing. It’s crossed my mind to slip in between her little toosh while I’m changing her diaper, but this would surely result in an involuntary diarrhea explosion, thus making my liquid problem larger.

Look at that face of victory. And pass Mommy a beer.

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