I’ve had many questions about miscarried children, and their place in heaven. If they have names, or do we need to name them? What age are they in heaven?
I don’t have all the answers, as I shouldn’t. No one can fully understand death and it’s reasoning . But often I get a glimpse of heaven, and at one point I had the privilege of meeting my sister in heaven.
My sisters and I all look very different. In fact people usually think I am one of the youngest, with my height being small compared to theirs. They are super model gorgeous , and I can wear limited too clothing. I was once asked if I was old enough to apply for a VIC card at Harris Teeter. You have to be 16 to do so . I had two children out of three with me at the time. I made sure to correct her and buy several bottles of expensive wine. Expensive means over $5. Moving on.
During what’s called a SoZO session a few years ago ( this is a counseling session that I highly recommend. It’s based on how you view the father , son and Holy Spirit ) . It deals with past wounds. Things from your childhood and old hurts , swept under the rug.
I met her.
Laying there, tears pouring as my counselor asked the Holy Spirit to lead, I was taken to heaven where she lived, and obviously thrived. I was aware of my moms miscarriage , but not aware I had another sister. Growing up I knew my mom had lost a baby between me and my brother, but I wasn’t aware it was a girl. She lost her very early on, and was mistreated at the hospital. They acted as if she was never pregnant, insisted she have a DNC and then she was out of there. This story always pierced my heart. I thought about my other sibling often, but never voiced it. I thought about her daily .
She would have been only a few months younger than me, and actually if she was here today , my brother wouldn’t be. I couldn’t imagine that life, with out him by my side. But I was thankful to meet her that day.
During my counseling session I was still laying there in the chair, but my soul was taken to heaven, still present in that room. My physical body didn’t leave the room. I was watching what felt like a slide show, still able to communicate with my counselors.
I saw her immediately once I entered heaven. Smiling at me she shook my hand. Her face shape was much like mine, her skin and facial features like mine. I felt a wave of love for her as I noticed she was much like me. Her hair was light, her eyelashes invisible. She laughed as she shook my hand, her humor filled my spirit as I began to laugh out loud there in that room.
She was like me. She made me laugh. It was like looking at myself.
She was short in stature and a stick , much like her older sister. I felt intense love for her and I missed her deeply. I missed the relationship we could have had. The humor we could have shared and the love she would have poured out onto her younger siblings. I knew she was taken to heaven for a reason. I knew her place was not with us at family dinners.
But I also knew she was interceding for our family.
I asked her her name. Although my mom had thought about naming her Naomi, she told me her name.
“I’m Sarah. ”
Perhaps her name was Naomi Sarah and Jesus called her Sarah . After all she is his princess. She’s royalty now. I can’t wait for the day we embrace . I ache for her. But rejoice my brother is here in her place. He has great plans for that one.
I say all this in hopes that if you have miscarried , your child needs a name. Naming your child can be healing and deeply special for you and your spouse. To refer to your lost baby as a name , not an it.
I’ve also come to the realization that our children we lose before birth aren’t alone in heaven. The previous blog post I wrote was about a dream I had a last night.
The more I prayed into the dream, throughout the day the spirit revealed more to me. I came to the realization that the couple I met in my dream was our son Jude’s caretakers. I believe that in heaven there is no lack of love, but abundance of it. So much so that a small child like ours would love a mothers touch and a fathers embrace.
The baby that whispered into my ear the word ” Rapha” was my son. I got to hold him as an infant in my dream, as I have only seen him somewhat grown. The woman speaking to me was his heavenly Momma.
I had nothing but respect for her, I was grateful she was loving on him. Grateful if I couldn’t hug him, she could. I could bow at her feet in this moment and kiss them . She is loving my boy.
Not a slight feeling of hatred was felt when I talked with her, just joy.
As if I was lending him to her arms, I should have became empty. Instead I was filled. He was safe and getting lots of kisses.
Perhaps this woman couldn’t ever have children on earth, and our son was her heavenly reward?
If you have lost a young child, please know they aren’t alone. They have someone to love on them in a perfect place. There are never tears , only laughter and joy. We can hope in knowing we will see them again, but until then they are kissed.