Accepting his forgiveness

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What satan sends to harm us and derail our peace can often turn into an important life lesson if we listen to the Holy Spirits voice during our frustration or grief.

Last night I had a demonic dream in which I was committing a sin that I enjoyed. I was living in big sin and letting it consume my life. The details aren’t necessary because I don’t really want to type them out for fear I might throw up.

Eventually a man that is a spiritual mentor to me found out about my sinful lifestyle. In this dream I was still appearing to walk with The Lord , attending church every Sunday and actually still writing this blog, but in my heart of hearts I was dying because of my sin.

This man pulled me aside , told me he knew of my sin and was devastated. He told me he had a ” prophetic word ” for me, and that I should sit down. Palms sweaty , tears streaming down my face I sat crossed legged on the kitchen floor of my old house. Awaiting what my Father would say about me. Filthy , ugly , shameful me.

” The Lord says he is so heartbroken over this sin, so much that he is going to abandon you. He will no longer speak to you because you failed him. You failed your family and you failed me. You were on the edge of breakthrough, but now you have to start over because you sinned. ”

In deep agony I asked this man :

” How long will he be silent? I can’t live without his voice! How will I love my life without his guidance. I’m so sorry I sinned. It’s over now. I gave it up , I swear. Can’t he just forgive me right now??”

Sobbing I began to think about how empty my life would be. How miserable my days , weeks and months. Years… Would be. Alone. Hopelessly alone. No matter who was around me I would feel nothing. I desperately wanted Him back.

” He will be silent for 5 years.”

I accepted my date after hours of pleading him for forgiveness. My eyes swollen shut from tears , I contemplated suicide.

I woke up startled , sweating and grateful it was only a dream. A horrible dream. I grabbed my chest, I’m alive. I’m his and I’m forgiven. It wasn’t true.

I went back to sleep , hoping for a follow up dream where I was forgiven. Nothing of the sort happened.

In what Satan meant to wreck my day, I saw something.

I felt for a moment what it felt like to be :

Hopeless
Forgotten
Shamed
Suicidal
Sexually impure
Shunned by family for my sin

But you know what my daughter did today…
She accepted Jesus as her personal savior. She accepted his grace and forgiveness for all her three year old sins. She began her journey of walking with him. She began real LIFE , JOY , and abundance of his freedom in this life.

You know what I think? I think Rhema sensed the great need I had in my heart to see Satan defeated by our family. In a big way we stomped his ass by welcoming Rhema into the Kingdom of Life . I said ass because I’m thoroughly pissed he tried to bring fear into my heart, even once. And man has he tried.

So today I say to you : if you are living in guilt of your sins , just receive his forgiveness. It’s that simple. You are not defined by your lifestyle, your lifestyle can change in a minute. Your sins can be forgiven in an instant. What are you waiting on?

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