The longer we are married the more alike we become. Isn’t that how He designed marriage? To eventually have similar interests? We of course have several separate interest too. I would be horrified if Matt wanted in on my girls wine nights . He would for sure be uneasy if I took over the shot gun while he was shooting dove. Someone would die, and it wouldn’t be a bird. And forget it if he wanted to co – write a blog post with me. I wouldn’t have anymore hair or fingernails. And we would eventually break up. Kidding. I get the wine rack.
Matt grew up on the water. Literally his family lived on a life raft on the ocean. Their story is incredible. The courage and strength and dehydration and disease they had was impeccable. In all seriousness , he grew up going to the coast often with his Dads side of the family. Always on a boat, fishing and splish splashing around.
He wanted to give our children the same opportunity to have fun on the water. Or cry about being scared of it. Matt is passionate about many things in his life, one being me ( duh ) and the other being water. Boats and fishing are on his brain almost constantly and when he is doing either he is happy as a clam.
So, we decided to take his brothers boat out to a lake nearby yesterday. 7 hours preparation for a two hour trip. It only makes sense with three kids. The pain and fun ratio is only fair. A lot of pain for a little fun , then you get to come home and bathe the fun off.
We started the boat up and headed out on the water.
” Are we there yet?!”
I’m sorry, what destination were you thinking of? This spot of water, or 100 feet from here where maybe you’re expecting a wave pool with complimentary lemonades?
” Can you jump in WITH US momma?!”
This was terrifying. Worse than childbirth. I had just explained to them that they didn’t have to be afraid of jumping in the water. They had life jackets on, and in all honesty I wanted them to jump to face a fear. The more often they step out now, and we teach them to be fearless ( in a safe way ) the more fearless they will be for The Lord now and when they are older. We don’t raise wimps.
Momma doesn’t like lakes. Lakes are brown and that’s against my rules of fun. Brown means poop and muck and STD’s. All of which I am clearly above. I waited until I was married, so why must I be punished with giving my children a pep talk, then actually having to live it out?
That’s the funny thing about parenting. It makes us take steps and make choices in the name of love and muck. If you say that fast enough someone will think you didn’t wait until you were married.
So in I went. Yay mom! Go mom! See you aren’t scared like us mom!
I was dying a slow death, still holding onto the boat. You know, a safety precaution as I didn’t have on a life jacket. I have three kids to love and as husband to feed . I’m valuable , they can’t loose me. Who else would kiss their butts when they fell on said area and who else would smell their fingers when I KNOW they been digging in their diapers. No one else can run as fast as me when it’s time to wipe someone’s butt.
Why do I keep referring to poop you ask? Because poop is my lot in life. I embrace the poop.
” Momma, why are your feet on the side of the boat?”
” oh you know. Just staying close to Daddy. He will miss me.”
Husband grins. Husband slaps hand off boat siding. Husband sleeps on couch.
There I was . Treading the waters of terror alone. I could have died that day. My whole life flashed before my eyes. So did a possible snake bite. The Loch Ness monster surely lived beneath me. I about had Matt pass me a cold one, but I figured that would look irresponsible with my baby in the lake. I refrained. Instead I prayed aloud to the tune of a song. You know, letting my children know I’m extra spiritual.
” Oh Jesus. Thank you for this laaaaaaaakkkkkkke. You made this lakkkkkkeee. I think you did. Maybe a man did. But either wayyyyy thank you for no snakes. Thank you for no fish. Except ones that we can eat. Thank you for no bugs, except ones we can killlllllll. ”
The song went on and my children grew tired of my inability to carry a tune. I grew tired of treading water. It was time to climb onto the boat. Matt got the children in one by one. There I was left alone to die in the lake. I said my goodbyes to the children and to my new wine glasses I got on clearance at Target. They’re pink and blue. So special. Oh and Matt. As he lifted up the last kid I knew it was my turn.
But I couldn’t wait that long. I was about to be eaten by a mutant , so I grabbed onto the side of the boat. Naturally I grabbed the part of the boat that would hurt me more than the large alligator in the water. Impatiently and spastically I lifted myself onto the boat. One problem of many. I am not coordinated. Two. My finger got stuck between two large metal pieces. Three. I tried not to scream a no no word in front of the kids.
My finger comes loose and I kiss the boat floor. Husband makes fun. Husband swims, then walks home with no hopes of married time later. Wife has to learn how to drive the boat. Wife fails. Husband and wife renew their vows right there on the boat.
Family returns home. Children go to bed. Wife drinks wine. Husband rethinks said dreams of taking the kids on a boat. Husband decides he was right all along. Wife is asleep in bath tub.