Deep in my soul I long for adventure. It’s easy for my eyes to see the positive in situations , and often this can be a blessed thing. There are times I’ve gotten myself in trouble because I didn’t weight out my options, but in this case God took me on an adventure with him.
The week had been long, and my heart had been torn. I needed a breather, and so my mom and sisters took our middle child , Rhema with them for the night. I love her with such a deep passionate love because I see her heart for life and for Jesus. But in this same respect, she disobeys me with such passion that it’s often easy to be overwhelmed with her stubbornness. And by overwhelmed I mean , she went with her Gigi for her safety.
I kid . I kid.
Our eldest was at school , and our youngest down for her morning nap . I was sitting on the sofa trying to decide what to do with my quietness. Should I take a nap? Read a book? Knit? Cure diabetes?
It was then I decided to pray and ask The Lord what to do with my day. To some that may sound strange, but my heart longed to be with him. In a different way from what I can normally do. Or handle. Its not so easy to go on adventures with three small littles, and only one of me.
As I prayed God told me a specific address for a house right down the street. I’m horrible with directions, so I used google maps to help me out. Let’s be real I can’t get anywhere without it. When my husband set up my phone, that was the first app he downloaded. He knows I have the directional wisdom , that of an 18 month old. And he still had three kids with me. He surely prayed over that part of their brains. The rest they got from me, as this is my only fault. Humility abounds.
He told me to drop off groceries on their doorstep , with a note that read :
“Jesus told me to give you these. He loves you and sees you. He is for you.
Love, a neighbor. “
I wrote the note. Got Adah up from her nap . Gathered the groceries, bagged them up and set off.
That week I had been so focused on one issue that had so hardened my heart and made me want to lock me and the children in the basement. Forever. To keep us safe. I was angry and didn’t want to trust anyone ever again. But I knew he was drawing me out of my bitterness and into his light. He wasn’t going to let me stay there long. He loves me too much.
As I rounded the corner and my GPS screamed at me that my destination was on the left , I stopped the van and caught my breath.
The house was run down. The windows needed to be replaced. The paint was chipping from the siding , the front doors window was busted. But in all this I knew where he took me. Without a word out of my mouth I knew first I had to be obedient. I set the groceries on the front door, with the note in an envelope. I prayed they would receive it just like it was from Jesus. Because it was.
I got back in the van and stared. Tears ran down my cheeks as I saw myself four years ago. Pregnant . Tired. Broke.
I stood In front of this same house , looking to rent it. It was in bad shape then too, and I was ashamed it was in our price range. It has three bedrooms I said to myself. It’s in a nice neighborhood, we could make do.
But as I stood there, hand on my large belly , God said no. No Rachel. I have something great in mind. Keep looking. Trust me.
And so I did. And so he provided a house without broken windows and chipped paint. I walked away with no other options but to trust him. I walked away abandoned to what I thought could be a liveable, but he wanted me in a house that would be loveable.
I saw myself trusting then, and I saw what he was doing in my heart then. It was difficult to see past my bank account. It was difficult to see past my lack of space in a tiny house, far away from my husbands job. When I wanted to settle, he set the bar higher for me.
I saw what he was showing me with sending me to this house. A house I had no idea was five seconds down the road from me.
Provision. A way out of my situation. A safe hand to grab. Refreshment.
But most of all: an obedient heart .
When we are obedient he always matures our hearts. And in our obedience we slowly become more like him, in result we don’t have to try so hard to hear his voice, or gain wisdom.
So I encourage you tonight, if there is something He has been asking you to do, scary as it may be, do it anyway. You won’t be sorry.