He is intoxicating

Everyone should experience being drunk in church at least once. It’s kinda like drinking five margaritas and having to still communicate with people. You can’t.

It’s hilariously debilitating , but hilariously freeing.

My previous post was about alcohol. Good ole I wine that I love to drink with dinner, and after the kids go to bed with some good dark chocolate. But let me tell you what I love to drink in even more than Merlot.

His wine.

I’m being intoxicated more and more in his spirit and I’m loving it.

It’s sweeter and more effective at taking over my body. And quickly.

Today after church service we took communion with our families . It was a sweet time and as usual his presence was thick. I could have cut it with a knife in that place. Especially up front where I journeyed to . I saw my family having a party. My husband jumping up and down with joy over my younger brother who was receiving so much breakthrough. It was refreshing to see so much joy on my family after a draining year. Isn’t this how it should always be?

He comes to bring joy. Always.

Only once have I felt his presence like an electric shock, except for today.That was when I was in Redding CA, at Bethel church. But today was more intense. It was no mistake my sweet, dear friend came to church today. Her presence blessed me greatly. I’m learning that this is the new me. The new normal. He has chosen to reveal himself to me like electricity. Sweaty undergarments and all.

You know a ministry session was good when you walk away with snot in your hair and literal carpet burn on your forehead. Church should be a place where you worship and learn, yes …but a place where you are wrecked with his love for you. When we make room for him, he comes in and shakes things up. His love for us is gentle, yes.

But it’s passionate. He is jealous for our attention. I left church still twitching and in much of a daze. I was still drunk with his spirit. In fact after people were through praying over me for 30 minutes I still couldn’t budge. He was doing something in me that I couldn’t explain yet, but I know that I will see the fruit in weeks to come.

I was pretty much useless at family lunch at my in laws. Going through the motions of talking and fixing the kids plates. I have to eat? Oh. I have to smile and act alive? Oh. I have mascara still all over my eyes? Oh.

Can I take a nap? I needed to lay in his presence again. It was like I missed the electricity even though my body ached from convulsing. Are you freaked out yet? Oh good.

During a three hour nap he revealed some things to me. In my dreams I heard the prophetic words spoken over this year that were resounding in my heart. Everything that was spoken of course had meaning, and I’m writing everything down to call it out.. But something stood out to me immediately.

Releasing people.

Listen, in this life there will always be people that hurt you. People you need to forgive. That’s ok, because he will give you the grace to do so.

He will tell you exactly how to forgive. For me, in the last few months he has had me write out letters to people that have wronged me. People that have been ugly to me and accused me of things that were unGodly. In them I have been able to express exactly how I feel. Exactly why I felt hurt and disrespected. He then had me delete them from my computer. Done.

I released people to him that I can no longer communicate with. Without breaking a cold sweat and breaking out in ridiculous hives on my chest. I hate confrontation, but what I hate even more is lies.

He will give you the wisdom if you ask. Sometimes it is a clear cut direction . Sometimes it’s a quiet word in your heart. You just need to listen because he is always speaking about situations. Before you get in a huff, like I do sometimes, just be quiet.

Wait.

He had me release someone today that has caused much much turmoil in my heart. So much so that it’s caused all kinds of anxiety and oppression in my heart. I literally felt that weight lifted as I wrote this person a letter. It wasn’t nice and it was lengthy. It was exactly how I felt and more and not very gentle.

Sometimes he will have use to some crazy things to release our minds from bondage to a person or a situation.

He will give us the clarity whether to send that email. Or delete it. He will give us clarity as to confront a person for their wrong doings or to remain quiet. But if we wait on him, we will never never be let down . He always comes through with an answer .

Forgiving a person can be silent. It can be a two person party. Just you and Jesus. As soon as you release them and their bad choices to our Father, the poison of their choices is gone from your heart. It’s gone from mine.

I’m free to trust people, because there is always ample access to forgiveness. In fact I’m free to see that person, have conversation with that person because they no longer have a hold on me emotionality. But this took time.

It took a lot of time.

In Jesus there is a sweet freedom that we can only taste if we relentlessly ask for it. He is happy to give it to us. He’s a happy God. When we release people, there is a freedom given.

This week I have been run down physically and emotionally. With lack of sleep and children acting like caged animals that can’t play outside . A few nights ago our youngest ( 14 months ) woke up every hour to nurse. I felt like it was an attack on my desire to nurse her for as long as I could. My body was already loosing weight and I was feeling the toll on her eating habits at night.

I went into her room for the fifth time that night , sleepy eyed . Barely functioning . I nursed her yet again and laid her down. Immediately she began to cry. In an exhausted daze I went and stood in the hallway . I cried like a five year old missing their favorite toy. Adahs cries woke up Rhema and it was all downhill from there.

There are times I look back on and realize I was totally irrational. Like this night where I ran to my bed after countless hours of no sleep and wept. I was unconsolable. My poor husband got up at 3 Am and rocked the baby and three year old to sleep. He rocks. But I was utterly exhausted . Pun intended on utter.

The next night I arranged the two oldest to stay at grandparents houses and I was prepared to night wean Adah. After all I needed sleep to function and I hadn’t slept in 27474 days. I prayed over her as I rocked her to sleep. I prayed , much like every other night for peace to flood the room and for her to sleep well.

I woke up at 7:30 am the next morning to ” mommamommamomma!”

No crying. Just calling my name.

The Lord began to speak as I nursed my sweet baby.

:: it isn’t time yet to give up what you love::

See? He is so gracious to us. I had prepared myself for a night of hellacious crying and I’m sure the baby would have cried too. But he didn’t want that for me. And because I invited him into her room, for the thousandth time he came.

He came and she slept. I slept and was refreshed for a church service that would forever change my thinking.

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He is intoxicating

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