Not in Harris Teeter

My day started off all wrong. I didn’t drink coffee, as per usual to see if my stomach issues would chill for a few minutes. Let me say that nothing is worth not having a cup. I was walking around like our current government. Confused and shut down.

This will not happen tomorrow. Are you bored with me yet? Good.

I promise this gets better.

Matt was home all morning and I love spending time with him. Jk , I love that he can watch the girls for me to take a longer shower than 17 seconds. And make me breakfast. And I get to use conditioner.

But really I do love him. Hey babe.

After a longer shown than usual I always feel like a new woman. People pay thousands of dollars for therapy sessions when all need is a long uninterrupted shower. To think and pray. And sometimes accidentally pee.

Getting bleach tomorrow.

Ok. After my therapy session Matt noticed a ton of lady bugs in our bedroom. Like a lot. Coming from the window. I should point out that lady bugs are the only bugs that don’t freak me out. They can crawl on me . But only one at a time. Two could eat my flesh off, but one is cute and cuddly.

They kept coming in and being the charismatic woman I am I started asking The Lord if he was trying to tell me something. I waited, took a few pictures of the said lady bugs. Nothing. Nothing but cuteness. I think it just means our house is almost 200 years old. And any bug could come hang out in our bedroom.

So then straightened my hair. Another miracle.

After I got Asher from school I decided it would be a good time to run to the grocery store for a few “Synergy” drinks and some raw kefir. Stomach probs. So I grab a magical race cart and put Adah in her Ergo. Immediately when people notice me they take pity. Like y’all should see the looks I get. I need to have a …

“I take donations .” Sign or something. They act like I have 17 children.

” are all those yours?”

“Yes ma’am!”

“How do you do it!?”

“Jesus ma’am!”

“Oh you know that’s right hunny. You keep on!”

Thanks I planned on keeping them.

Asher always picks classier grocery stores to say really inappropriate things to Rhema .

“Rhema! Did you just fart? Do you have to poop? That smells horrible!”

Son, if we were in Wal Mart I wouldn’t mind , but you see we are in Harris Teeter.

I grab the Kefir , and I’m sure to the lady listening she thought it was for Rhema. Gasy child. I spiked her almond milk with it. She’ll never know.

The rest of the trip was fine. They got along and laughed and giggled. I grabbed some organic wine. Good , good trip.

Unloading the cart was a different story.

I park the cart in a location I thought was safe. It was not. I’m loading the kids in their seats, buckling, looking for their necessary items like Pacis . Blankets . Fruit snacks. And waters. They are always severely dehydrated in the car. At bedtime. Any anytime they need to sit still.

Something told me to look at my cart. It was my guardian angel that goes with me only to grocery stores, he knows . OH he knows .

My cart is going full speed down the parking lot hill. Cool. Adah is still strapped in the Ergo. I take off running and literally grabbed it within an inch of hitting an at least 2070 BMW . Now if we were at Wal Mart I could probably offer cash to cover the Damage done, but again we were at Harris Teeter. #classy

I had barely eaten lunch and I was excited to try my new Synergy drink. Bring it on , momma needs some fizz in her life.

I downed half the bottle on the way home. It tasted like feet, but I kept on. It’s good for me. It’s good for me. Gag.

We get home and Asher helps me unload the groceries. He’s the best at that.

I finished off the rest of the drink. Rhema hit Asher because he took her favorite toy and threw it on the trampoline. I calmly dealt with it.

Too calmly. Wait. I have a buzz? From ….. Oh my gosh no way.

I of course quickly google Synergy drinks and read reviews about people that get a buzz off of drinking them. I then opened another bottle and chugged as fast as I
Could. There was super to be made.

Jk. But for real, the buzz was legit. Matt came home from work and asked me if I just woke up from a nap.

Boy I wish I just took a nap. I could go lay down right now since you’re here.

Oh wait wait. I forgot to mention the gas station on the way home. Where several strangers saw my underwear.

So I’m still wearing the Ergo, mostly because I was too lazy to take it off. I get out of the van to pump gas and noticed I was still wearing it. I hook up the gas , press start and attempt to take off the Ergo without unhooking it.

Why.

Why.

It finally starts sliding down and since I’ve lost so much weight my jeans are too big. They came sliding down like a 5 year old doing a pee pee dance. I’m sure I made for a great conversation starter at someone’s small group tonight. Or someone else’s blog. Bless me.

Maybe tomorrow I will have a more inspirational post for you. But today I learned a few valuable lessons:

Raw means buzz and I need to shop at Limited Too for some new jeans.

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Not in Harris Teeter

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